All true and all horrific, if not a little funny looking back. This is an almost comprehensive list of all types of things I did not want from my hostel dorm rooms, but got, whilst on my travels around the globe. Lovely!

What you don’t want to see in a dorm room

• Roommate who sleeps naked rolling over in the morning to reveal a full moon. (Sydney, Australia)

• Roommate who’s had quite a lot to drink being sick from the top bunk. (Sydney, Australia)

• Roommate who was earlier sick from the top bunk now trying to urinate in the bin. (Sydney, Australia)

What you don’t want to wake up to in a dorm room

• Bunk next to you rocking from side to side as muffled sounds of pleasure eek out from behind a strategically placed bed sheet. (Coogee Beach, Australia)

• Stranger in the dark trying to climb into your bunk because they think you’re someone else, a different gender entirely in fact. (Westport, NZ)

• Random hostel worker banging on the door at 6am and telling all occupants that we need to evacuate and get to high ground because of a tsunami warning. (Cape Tribulation, Australia)

• Room completely flooded with backpack and clothes inside completely soaked through. Spent my birthday doing washing, lame! (Cairn, Australia)

• 5 drugged up room mates who return to the room at 3am after a night out and decide to have a crack at the new female arrivals in the room. (Coogee Beach, Australia)

• Random lads standing over your bunk trying to get a look at your face in order to decide if you’re the person they need to hit/talk to about their girlfriends who’ve gone missing. (Split, Croatia)

• New room mate moving the bunkbed because they don’t like its position … whilst you’re still asleep in the top bunk. (Sydney, Australia)

What you don’t want hear in a dorm room

• Stranger blaring out classical music from his Ipod Speakers at 2am, whilst somewhat amusingly pretending to be a conductor. (Munich, Germany)

• 6am bag rustlers. Everyone should be frisked for plastic bags upon entry to any hostel. (Everywhere)

• Roommate drowning in their own snores. Had to wake him to make sure he was ok. (Surfers Paradise, Australia)

• Fire alarm at 3am in the morning … did get a free drink from the hostel though. (Brisbane, Australia)

What you don’t want to find in a hostel dorm room

• Roommates stash of recreational drugs on your bed. Easiest place to count them apparently. (Coogee Beach, Australia)

• Someone else in your bunk upon your return from a night out, when all you want to do is get some rest, not have an argument and wake everyone else in the room up. (Coogee Beach, Australia)

• Lodger who hasn’t paid for the night sleeping under his mates bottom bunk. Kind of creepy when you think you’re alone in the room and an arm comes out of the darkness from beneath a bunk. (Sydney, Australia)

Solutions:

Well there aren’t too many. Short of having sniffer dogs, breathalyzer tests and bouncers on each hostel room door. These are the chances you take with staying in a hostel … but that kind of why I love it, the unpredictability. The good nights far outway the bad, I’ve had some mega dorm room parties and made loads of new friends staying in hostels. If I could change one thing though, it would be to upgrade the rooms as per this article on snore absorbtion